i’ve moved my blog to my new address. if you’ve bookmarked or made this blog into a daily blog favorite, just remove the old one and replace it with this:
www.mylifewithdepression.com
i’d make that a hyperlink, but macs and friendster are not friends. just copy and paste it on to your address bar/box - whatever that is
oh my gosh… i’m trying to move my blog over to another place, but i didn’t realize that it was going to take me all night! ok. this is what i want to do. i want it hosted on blue-something and i want to use word press “as my platform” whatever that means.
anyways. it says 5 minutes! yeah, maybe for computer people! how about for the rest of us? they offer a free install, but i’d have to give them my password etc. i guess i can do that and just change the password later.
so i got a domain name and everything. now i’m trying to install word press. i only finished up to step number 3.
1. Unzip the package in an empty directory
2. Open up wp-config-sample.php with a text editor like WordPad or similar and fill in your database connection details
3. Save the file as wp-config.php
4. Upload everything.
upload everything? upload what? i don’t know what to upload! what am i suppose to upload?!?!
I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE GONE WITH FREE SOFTWARE! but this one was touted by so many and the other one was $40!
i guess it’s not too late to get the other one, but now it’s about the challenge of finding out what i’m suppose to upload and finding out how i’m suppose to use ftp to do it or something like that.
there’s so much info on this stuff on the web that my brain is on overload.
wish me luck -
i wonder if i’m missing another service or software or something … hmmm
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HUH?? what does this mean?
define(’DB_HOST’, ‘localhost’); // 99% chance you won’t need to change this value
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ok. i think that i’m understanding it. i want to go from point A to point C - i understand both points, but how do i make point B???
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SUCESS!!!!!! i found the auto-install. but still…. even finding that was hard.
so there’s a new show called ‘little mosque in the prairie.’ unfortunately it’s in canada. there’s been a lot of talk about it on the news this morning. some say that it’s the seinfeld for muslims.
i’ve seen some of their clips and they are funny. the show humanizes muslims and shows that they have the same problems as everyone else. examples include generational gaps issues. but that they experience racial profiling too. it kinda shows you how stupid it’s gotten.
here’s the link:
http://www.cbc.ca/littlemosque/
so i got an email from the Alliance Francaise - that’s where i’m taking my three weeks of french lessons in paris. the two weeks that i spent there during october were the best! i really think that i should’ve been a language student. i loved loved LOVED spanish and i enjoyed speaking in another tongue.
a test was attached to the email. the test was to access the level of french i should be in. Oh Ma Ga! so hard. i worked on it for like forever. i had to re-read passages because i didn’t understand what was going on. i think that it had mainly to do with the vocabulary. OH! i also had to write a letter with the minimum grammar that they want. i remember the first time i took this test. only the first page of 10 was filled and my letter was not more than 5 lines. REALLY REALLY simple sentences.
here’s what i have now:
BTW for people with nasty nasty minds, douche = shower in french!
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Cher Stéphane,
Je suis à Paris depuis un mois. Chaque matin, je me reveille et me douche. Alors, je vais à L’Alliance Francaise. Parfois, je suis tard parce que je manque le mètro. Un temp, j’ai pris le mal train. Quel horror! J’ai beaucoup des devoirs aussi. J’ai horror du devoir. Tu sais que je n’aime jamais les devoirs.
Pendant mes jours ici, j’ai découvert que les français sont très sympatiques. Ils sont plus sympatiques que les americains? Peut-être. Je passe tous les jours avec mon copain, Titounet. Nous sommes allés au le Louvre. Pour la premier fois, j’ai vu la Mona Lisa. La peinture est … PETITE!
Mon français est plus mieux. J’ai compris les hommes quand ils ont me dit, “vous êtes très belle!” Ha ha ha je blague!
Le week-end dernier, j’ai fait une sortie que j’ai particulièrement aimé. Je suis allée avec Titounet au restaurant. Il s’appelle Dans Le Noir?. Nous avons pris le diner ‘dans le noir’! On n’a vu rien toute la nuit.
Après, nous avons bu beaucoup de vin. Nous avons chanté toute la nuit avant rentrons à chez moi jusque à 4h30.
Je suis contente avec mes expériences ici. J’aime le pain parisien. J’aime marcher sur les boulevards chaque matin. J’aime parler en français avec tout le monde. J’adore les chocolats de Jeff de Burges. J’aime tout parisien sauf il y a trop marche!
J’aimerais que tu viens ici. Vien à Paris le été prochain et achete ton billet aujourd’hui! Je vais t’apporter à Dans le noir?. On va aller ensemble! Tu sais que j’aime les expérience nouvelles. Je voudrais parteger cette expérience avec toi parce que je pense que t’aimerais ça. Aussi, nous povons faire de shopping à Gallaries Lafayette!
En générale, en ce qui concerne les sorties, je préfére sortir avec quelqu’un aux Starbucks. Je préfére cela plus que sortir aux les clubs. Je suis trop vieux. Habituellement, je prends un grand soja caramel macchiato et Titounet prend un petit chocolat chaud. Le cuisine français n’est pas cher ici, donc je le mange beaucoup. J’aime Paris et je pense que je peux habiter ici.
À l’été prochain!
Ton amie, Myra
sometimes, being able to laugh lightens the soul. this one made me laugh.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Jimmy Kimmel:
“The president of Iran today, Mahmoud something-I-can’t-pronounce, has written an open letter to the American people. It was released at the U.N. headquarters in New York earlier today. He says the purpose of the letter is to try to communicate directly with us, since President Bush won’t acknowledge him.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, via “translator”:
America, please help. Iran is all out of windbreakers. This is my last one. The others got ripped playing capture the flag. And I let this chick borrow one at a party. Just make sure they are tan colored and a boys’ size 12. Please hook a brother up. Thank you and death to America.
i’m sitting here and i’m thinking about my near future. you know … i’m deciding what my 5 - 10- 15 year plans should be. i’m looking at five year for now and i’m freaking out!
i’ll be 33 in two months (that’s MARCH 25TH - I wear a petite 1 and size 37.5 or 7.5 size shoes) and +5 would make me 38! my parents are right. “you’re not getting any younger.” my dad just told me recently that he wants more grandkids.
i would want at least two kids. i’ve experienced what the life of an only child can be through my S2BX’s eyes - ESPECIALLY when your parents are divorced! when will i have my first child? when will i have my second? will i still be fertile or will i become barren soon?
gosh … back then, when i was planning my life, it seemed like there was more time to have a successful career, house b4 30, married by 30, kids two years later, multi-property before 35. back then it was okay to plan all of that. i reached the financial goals early, but there was so much time when you are 24 … 25 years old. but when almost 10 years has past, all that time seems to have disappeared and i will be 33 in two months.
so now what? i don’t want to have my second child when i’m 40. i wouldn’t want to marry only after knowing someone for a year … i should have my first child by 37. that means i’d have to get pregnant at 36 married by 34. probably start trying mid-35. so that only gives me 2 years from now to date. HOLY MOLY!! no! that’s one year! wait a second… is that right? no. not enough time.
33 … get married at 35 … start trying to get pregnant at mid-36. pregnant by 37. give birth at 38. then what? try for number 2 at 39? pregnant at 40? give birth at 41??
what the hell am i doing? i’ve been thinking so much about today - something totally opposite of my always thinking about the future - that i’ve forgotten to even think about the future.
how much am i willing to give up for all of that to happen sooner? i’ve been postponing ’starting’ a family for … forever! it doesn’t seem like i will be able to continue doing that. god! everything is all f*ched up!
what am i gonna do? maybe i should’ve listened to S2BX when he wanted to get pregnant. he thought that it would be great for me. it would give me purpose since i never felt fulfillment in my job as he did.
maybe that would’ve changed our relationship. maybe seeing an extension of him would’ve helped pull him out of himself so that he could’ve been more emotionally available to me. maybe his coming out of himself would’ve helped me pull out of my depression and maybe he would’ve gained more appreciation for me. especially as a mother…
i’m watching the wedding crashers right now and a good quote was just said. let me rewind and listen to it again:
we have no way of knowing what lays ahead of us in the future.all we can do is to use the information at hand to make the best decision possible.
can i grow stronger and independent now that he’s realized what’s happened and now that he’s validated my feelings? will we be able to rebuild our trust? a lot of people seem to think that people can change. how much do i need him to change… would that be realistic?
OR do i take a chance?
both have big question marks ahead of them. but what is one to do? ten years later when i’m 43, where do i want to be? do i want to be a mother of a 1 or 2 year old? maybe i’ll have a nanny … well, i know that i will because that’s what i want and i’m only marrying someone who will agree to it. will i need one though? the 40’s IS suppose to be the new 30’s after all.
what if i marry someone younger … say 7 years younger … then what… i retire in my 60’s and he’s still in his 50’s NOT retired??? given that men die sooner than women, at least i wouldn’t be widowed for too long … where are these thoughts coming from? someone younger is not settled in his career too. can a person like that provide for what i want/need for me and my (our) children? would i be trying to merge the lives of a 20-something year old and a 30-something year old? someone in their 20’s is still in the building stage while someone in their 30’s is taking wider strides and they should know who they are … i know that a 30 year old can be immature, so that’s not a case to be made against or pro - either one. besides, boys in their 30’s are usually settled or are just starting to settle down with a family.
how about going older? ummm i never really thought about that. i’ve never went out with anyone who was more than two years older than me. that would feel weird. many of them already have children and has the ex-wife to deal with. my life is already complicated and i don’t think that i want it to get even more complicated. it’s seems that if they’ve never married, maybe they either have commitment problems, are the bachelor type … or they have been ‘boys’ too long. people might not understand what i’m saying, but right now, it’s making sense to me. bear with me here….
man… i’ve been so caught up on being a ‘daughter’ (of my S2BX) who has just received all of her freedom and living in the moment that i’ve not even thought about the reality of tomorrow. i guess maybe i’m starting to slow down and i’m starting to look long term again….
On 1/12/07, Myra mmmmm wrote:
i’d like to start by saying that i apologize for the
hurtful things that i said. maybe on a sub-conscience
level, i was trying to give you the pain the i was
feeling so you would understand a little of what i was
feeling.
i’m going through a lot right now, i’m scared, i’m
lost and i’m at my weakest point ever.
i don’t feel good that stbx is hurting too. i’ve
lived with the guilt of it and i’ve been working to
resolve those feelings.
i hope we can just erase what’s happened in the past
few days and move foreword.
if you agree, then I’ll contact you when i’m doing a
lot better.
On 1/12/07, xxxxxxxxxx wrote:
Mymy,
I am so relieved that you have the strength right now to let me know what you have been feeling lately. I understand that you said some things while you were in a very weak state of mind and I am able to move forward and work with you on any of our issues if and when you are ready to.
I also know that I let my own emotions dictate how I communicated with you. I realize that the situation was not handled in the best way possible, and I, too, am very sorry for how I contributed to our difficulty in communicating. I know that I said some hurtful things in retaliation, and I am open to clarifying any of what was said if and when you are ready to ask me about any of it.
Mymy, you are family to me. I am committed to working with you and working on our relationship. I know that this is not a priority right now. You need to strengthen yourself first. And I am available to and want to LISTEN to what you are currently experiencing if it helps you to understand your emotions by trying to describing them and thinking them through in different ways. I know I am not a therapist, nor do I want to be, but I do want to remain your old friend. I love you very much, and I wouldn’t throw it all away over a minor bump in the road.
Don’t feel any pressure from me. If you think there is, and need any explanation, I am here. If you want to talk about other things, I am here to listen. You know my cell number, so for now, I will respect your space. I know you’ve got way too much on your mind.
I love you,
xxxx
i haven’t done a personality test on the longest time. maybe it’s because i did all of that back in february last year.
so now, i just took the jasper test that i found on monster.com. it’s the jobs asset profiler.
this is what i got:
Myra, your answers indicate that you are a Visionary when it comes to your overall work personality. Your JASPER type is a combination of your most prominent work traits and a good indicator of what you’re like at work.
“I like thinking big. If you’re going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.”
-Donald Trump
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I’m a type 3 = Visionary
What you want out of work:
To dream big and to foster your creativity and knack for innovation.
Your colleagues think of you as:
A creative, abstract thinker who is fun to watch in action.
What you have to offer:
Not only new and better ideas for how things can be improved, but also the courage to pursue them.
my unique strengths are as follows:
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Leadership style
Empowering. Your leadership style can be characterized as Empowering. You are encouraging and motivating, which likely means that you help others reach their goals and dreams. People probably see you as a good mentor due to your patience and talent for giving direction.
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Work Personality:
Expressive.You are more Expressive than Introspective when it comes to your work personality. You have an energetic aura about you and are quite gregarious and outgoing. At work, you draw energy and motivation from social interactions and relationships with others.
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Universal Skill:
Communication skills. You likely are an articulate person, and you probably have received positive feedback on your writing ability or your skill speaking to groups. Even if you don’t regularly use this skill, you nevertheless have confidence in your communication abilities.
——————
Work Style:
Questioning. While you trust the decisions of your superiors, you feel better when you understand the reasons why certain decisions are made. You aren’t comfortable simply accepting things at face value but would rather take time to assess them and offer your own opinions.
wow. i just got off the phone with my mom. we had a long conversation. this is the first time where i’ve been truthfully honest to tell her things that could make her disappointed in me. i took the chance and i’m glad that i did. we even briefly talked about my sex life. yuck. ok… i brushed quickly through it, but i can’t believe that i did and my mom just listened as if it was nothing.
i talked for a long time and she listened. she didn’t pass judgement. she just supported. she passed down some - i can’t say advice, but more like …. - deep stuff. it’s funny. my mom’s personality is that she’s bubbly, she the center of attention, the life of the party … always dancing … karaoke-ing … throwing the parties (this is where i get it from!) … that i’ve never noticed and have not been able to appreciate her deepness. i think she’s tried to share her wealth of knowledge with me in the past, but i was too big of an idiot to listen and appreciate.
my mom is smart! i’ve always known that. she even graduated top in her class … what’s that? summa cum laude or something? she got an A in anatomy during the summer when she went back to school. my mom changed careers while she was in her 40’s! she went back to school and got better grades than me!
she’s great at mesmerizing people and people always have such an affinity towards her.
you know… now that i think about it, i used to tell my mom my problems before i became a teenager and before boys ever became part of my life. i remember complaining that my best friend tiffany kneisley called me pancake face. mom made me feel better and told me that she was just jealous of me and not to feel bad. i never realized it, but i still use that to make me feel better when someone is mean to me.
i remember … those times when i would get into trouble because of a boy … she would tell me that when money runs out, love goes out the window… i understand the full meaning of that now.
i never realized it and though my mom was somewhere in the background never getting credit and appreciated, she played a significant role in my life. on my self-esteem. she and my dad are probably the only reason why i still have ANY type of esteem left to keep me going.
i recall a memory of my mom singing at church during my aunt’s golden wedding anniversary (50th). she sang with the piano as accompaniment. so beautiful. so talented. i don’t mean she sang like we regular folks sing, this woman REALLY KNOWS HOW TO SING! i was in awe of her when she sang Ave Maria. with her voice encircling the church.
she used to play the violin too. a fond memory was when my brother sister and i learned how to play the recorder (this was mandatory at the school that we went to) my mom would play her violin and we would play our recorder.
i don’t know if this was a dream or not, but i also remember that my mom played at my grandfather’s funeral. i remember that she played a beautiful song and after finishing, she collapsed to the pews with grief. this is such a strong image for me, but i’ve never confirmed it with her.
i remember my mom used to wear suites to work and i thought that she was the most beautiful thing on earth when she was dressed up. the three of us kids used to love mentos - the fresh maker! and i don’t know how often it would happen, but she would bring one of each of us and we would be soooo happy. we weren’t allowed candy and soda and unhealthy things growing up. anyways, as usual, my sister and i would wolf it down while my brother waited… savoring every morsel. he would sell us what he had left. WOW my brother was a young entrepreneur. he used to do this with sampalok (spelling?) too. each one was a quarter! expensive, but sissy and i paid it.
anyways, somehow my relationship with my mom changed when my hormones started raging and i discovered boys. i’m glad that it’s turning around again and i’m glad that i’m learning to share with my mom again.
i guess that’s why they say that moms can make the OUCH go away. my mom grounded me tonight and made my ouwey go away. thanks mama ko. i love you very very very very very very very much and i’m really really really really really lucky to have you as a mom.
damn i’m sensitive.
and the crying begins again and this time, it’s not because i’m sad. it’s because i’m lucky…
i have three friends today who checked up on me - to support me.
one through email about something on his youtube that i might help. he wasn’t trying to say he understood. he wasn’t trying to be mr. look at the bright side. he was just being supportive. thanks drew-drew.
the other was through IM. he asked how i was feeling today as yesterday was a crying session and now i think that my tear duct is either clogged or infected. not quite sure yet. thank you for the support. thanks stephy.
the other was through a voicemail that i didn’t call back since i’ve not talking with people - i’ve even limited my conversations with kevin and only to what we have to do for the business. but this friend is always checking up on me to let me know that he’s thinking about and supporting me. i texted back that i might not pick up when he calls after work since i’m not feeling well and he said that he’ll call anyway. he’s trying to i will try too. thanks stevie-wonder-bread.
oh and my friend angelica (ange-leeeeeeeeka with the baby) called. she and i support each other. i give her a reprieve from baby talk with adult conversation and she listens and supports me through my emotional things. so i guess thats four.
and most of all, my mommy calls to make sure i’m okay and that i’m eating. i’m really trying hard to eat … there was a time when i was barely eating. i haven’t gone to the grocery store in over a month. thank goodness my mom made me lots of emergency food because everyday has been an emergency. thanks mama….
i should call my friend lani too … since she emailed me and told me to call her … i just don’t want to be a downer…
